My Italian Diary: Forgiveness
I left New York almost exactly how I entered it many years ago. Broke, and working as a barista. It’s interesting to me that after five successful years as a video editor in New York City, life brought me back full circle. Only this time, I wasn’t alone. Almost every day during our last month in the US was spent with friends, family, and each other.
During our last month in the US, I helped my parents get my mom’s new business off the ground. I started writing more recipes for my own site. I saw my sister (who lives in the city) more times in that one month than I had in five years living there. I got to attend my little cousins’ graduation, and family birthday parties. Davide got to race (and win) a Formula 3 race with my cousin. We went on as many [free] adventures as possible, shared as many laughs, and hosted as as many dinners with friends as our schedules would allow us.
I spent the last few months being so angry at how I left my career in the US. I wanted to leave with dignity and pride. I purposely wore my bright yellow dress on my last day of work to be the sunshine in soul-sucking clouds of the corporate office. Instead, I spent my last day in the office with tears rolling down my cheeks that my life-long dream of moving to Italy had been used against me and I had been chewed up and spit out by “Corporate America.” I was so angry at people I thought I could trust, and how it all went down. I felt so defeated, like my career as a video editor was meaningless.
Over the past few months I then became angry with myself — I opened my mouth. I’ve always been an open book, mostly because I am an empath and enjoy talking with people and helping people through their own troubles by relating stories and challenges of my own. I just love helping people. Every job I’ve ever had has always had some sort of feeling of family; a unity, and trust. So I never thought twice about sharing stories about my life.
Now, though, all I can do is be grateful. I now see me having to take a job as a barista in my last month of living in NY as the peaceful closing of an incredible period in my life. New York shaped me as a the woman I am today in so many ways. Every job, person, and experience I had there shaped me in some way and I can’t help but believe that me returning to my beginnings was the perfect way to close that chapter, and start writing a new one. And that’s what I’ve been doing. Writing a new chapter of adventure, and experience. Being laid off, chewed, and spit out by Uncle Sam was probably one of the best things that has ever happened to me because now I am figuring out exactly what I want, and don’t want out of my career. I know that I never want to feel, or make someone else feel the way I left feeling that office.
I’m starting to make a plan. “What do I want from this life?” I ask myself daily. I’m taking every day as it comes, and writing a new page. I often get anxious by the idea of narrowing down the amount of passions I have to be just one thing to do for the rest of my life. I know I’ll get there, but being here is certainly helping to figure it all out. At the end of the day I always have to remind myself that it’s a part of the journey. As my mom says, “while you’re on the journey, always look at the signs along the road,”